Inside The Fire

Writing The Burn List has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, because I chose to name names. Initially.

That single decision made the road nearly impassable. Literary agents wouldn't touch it. My own developmental editor, who called me an excellent writer with the potential to become a multi-book author, refused to be publicly associated with the project.

I understand why. There are real consequences for speaking out, especially when you do so with specificity. Naming names removes the protective layer of abstraction that so many memoirs lean on. It also exposes us to retaliation from the very people who harmed us. In my case, it's powerful men in academia who know how to twist perception, exploit policy loopholes, and destroy reputations behind closed doors.

And yes, I’m afraid. Of all of those things. But for all those fears, telling the truth has been easier than continuing to live in silence.

Silence is what let the abuse continue. Silence is what protected the systems that enabled it. And silence is what almost killed me...slowly, over many years.

So I wrote. And then, I erased. Erase. Erase. Erase.

While naming names initially helped me to process out my trauma and grief, in the end? I decided to skip the names. Besides, who needs any of them anyway?

But I know that I made that decision, not out of fear, but out of self interest.

Wouldn't it be a better ending to my story if no one knew any of those abusers' names, and instead the focus was on the survivor's name and her story?

Let's find out.